Monday, August 30, 2010

Skinny vs. Healthy

My entire life I've wanted to be "skinny." I thought skinny girls who could eat anything they wanted were lucky. I have a hard time finding balance because I am cursed with this all or nothing attitude. I beat myself up mentally if I eat poorly. I internally obsess about it, which causes me eat poorly again because I'm bummed out about it. And if I can't work out for a full sixty minutes (at least), I tell myself, "well, it's hardly worth it then, is it?" I'm trying to live a happy life. One where I can enjoy a cookie or a cheeseburger sometimes, but mostly eat very healthy. One where I exercise (some way, some how) most of the days in a week. Because really? 10 minutes is better than nothing... so 30, 45 minutes, although not 60 minutes, is great.

In an attempt to help find some balance, and support the argument that "perfect eating" is impossible, but eating what you want (within reason) and maintaining weight is possible, I bought Bethenny Frankel's book Naturally Thin.


I'm only about half-way through it, but so far it's great. I mean, it's mostly common sense, but the way she writes about it is funny, direct, and friendly. It's been good to read as a reminder that you don't need to eat nothing but spinach and salmon to be healthy and maintain weight. She also has a ton of delicious sounding (haven't tried any of them... yet) recipes.

I've been scrutinizing healthy recipes, and reading about healthy food, and good food swaps for a few months and I feel like I know how to properly feed my body. I feel like I'm finally giving it what it needs (forget about that Chinese food incident yesterday!) and I feel stronger and healthier.

Since I started surgery (Feb. 2) and now (I'm about 2 months post-op from my last surgery), I've gained a little weight. Nothing too significant,and I know it'll come off if I continue to put the effort in, but it's extremely frustrating. I keep reminding myself I wasn't allowed to work out for nearly five months. Of course I'd gain weight. So, this is my 5th week of being back to exercise, and for some reason, I'm not seeing a change in the number on the scale. But energy, stamina, endurance, and strength have all seen much improvement. So, I keep reminding myself -- the goal is healthy... not skinny. (But I'd never turn down skinny! Ha!)

On tap for today for me kettle bell work out (DVD) and a run (2 miles) with Cale tonight.

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